Discombobulating is one of those long #words I don’t often use, but when I pronounce it, I kinda feel the essence of its #meaning. And this is what happened in yesterday’s #coaching session I had with a young black middle manager of a #fortune500 listed company. When he said it, I felt it. It means to be confused, disconcerted, bemused, flustered… And this was his experience when asked, “No, where are you really from?” (Yes, this line of discourse happens even beyond #buckinghampalace – https://lnkd.in/eJbn_p_Y)
The #othering process that happens with this question is actually a strategy of making you feel that you don’t #belong, especially if you’re a #person of colour. And the one doing the asking suddenly plays host and #gatekeeper to the space to which you thought you belonged. In your discombobulated state, you have no claims. No stake. They are #British. You’re not quite so.
After sharing how alienated he felt when his colleague posed this question, I went into #resistance mode. And this is what I shared.
Back in the day, when I was asked, “No, where are you really from?” I was discombobulated. Like a rabbit caught in headlights, I didn’t know what quite to say.
Now, when I’m asked, I’d say something like, “Ah, I’m from London, and you, where are you from?” And if they ask, “No, where are you really from?” I’d say something like, “Actually, I’m from NW London… Do you know #London at all? And you, where are you really from?” And then I would delve into their lineage, which often they would know very little about, even if it goes back decades here in Britain. I take charge and proceed to recount their ‘#British heritage’ and see if they know of any #migrants in their heritage, which I happen to know a thing or two about lol
By then, they get the message. They can’t play host to this space. I own this space. It is equally mine. I refuse to be discombobulated. (Just got the pronunciation right lol)
Check this clip by the brilliant British comedian and social commentator, Munya Chawawa. It parodies the entire discombobulation around the question, “No, where are you really from?”