This week, my company, Rockstone Consultancy, teamed up with the amazing Marteka Swaby, of Benevolent Health to deliver to an illustrious London Firm of lawyers on the topic “Racial Gaslighting: Bullies Out!” Racial gaslighting is a lot more rampant than you think!
Of course, in the workplace, you know that GASLIGHTING refers to “someone, often with power, who manipulatively makes their victim feel that their expression of reality is misguided, implausible and false when it is not”. It’s a bullying tactic. Only, in the context of race, the victim is made to feel that their racialised reality is unfounded. And here the victim is gaslit!
Conversations on race are never easy at the best of times. But what was incredibly encouraging was when a very white professional audience of over 60 people was prepared to engage the topic, even if it made them at times uncomfortable.
Here are some quick takeaways:
👉🏿 Make sure that you come with the evidence.
It’s normal as humans to abstract stuff that you don’t think you’re party to or will ever be. It’s like hearing of a car accident of a friend of a friend of a friend and you reply, “Oh, I’m sorry to hear!” But when it happens to you or your loved ones, it’s visceral! Therefore, data and poignant examples of racial gaslighting need to be specific and relatable. Don’t be gaslit!
👉🏿Get your audience to give you examples.
If they can’t immediately, then get them to give examples of a related example, such as gender. In any case, the term ‘gaslighting’ actually began with domestic (emotional) violence. But when they give such examples, be prepared to translate them into the racial context. They invariably correspond. Don’t be gaslit.
👉🏿Don’t allow your conversations to go down rabbit holes that are off-topic, even if it’s an associated topic.
Our professional climate is generally amenable to talking about abuse around sexuality, disability, gender, mental health and faith; but not about race. So, don’t be gaslit.
👉🏿Use parallel anecdotes, yes (such as those that might relate to gender or sexuality), but make sure you immediately swing back to the main issue of race. Keep their feet to the fire! Don’t be gaslit!
👉🏿If you meet deniers in the room, don’t try and defend yourself.
Let others – their colleagues – in the room fill that space. There’s always someone in the room who is on the same page and willing to advocate the point that you’re making. Don’t succumb to being gaslit!
👉🏿Make sure you include issues around intersectionality.
Black and brown women face a double whammy concerning their race and gender. Of course, this is compounded when these intersect with a disability, gender, sexuality and faith.
So, don’t be gaslit. You’re not fake news!!